On Becoming a Mother: The Other Side of the Coin

Hello readers! I found some time to sit down and write...something I count as a huge victory considering the chaos that is my life now.  It's truly a circus around here, but who doesn't love the circus? That said, if you came to my house at 5 pm every evening, you might decide having kids isn't for you :-).

I've been thinking a lot lately about what happens to a woman when she becomes a mother for the first time. Perhaps it's because I have a few friends who have just taken on this new and mysterious role . . . and perhaps our family's addition of baby #2 has me reflecting on what it was like to welcome Isaiah. I've read countless articles online and from friends regarding this change, and rightly so: becoming a mother is a huge transition, requiring you to take on an entirely new identity. It isn't just "you + a baby." The former you really ceases to exist as it was before.  It's one of those impossible-to-explain changes, one for which there is no preparation. You simply have to walk the road for yourself, learning in time and with experience who you are, now that you're a mom.

Most of the articles I've read have focused on the things you lose when assuming this new identity. To be frank, you do lose a lot. I miss the oodles and oodles of free time I had or being able to pick up and go wherever I wanted to go. I miss deep, peaceful sleep. But these are all commodities that will return one day, I'm sure before I can even turn around. I don't mind that this season is so drastically different than anything I've experienced before. Seasons, by definition, only last for a time. And I have a sneaking suspicion that when I do have more free time once again, it won't be as satisfying as it once was. I already know that I'm going to miss the chaos and Sesame Street and the sound of toy cows mooing and play cars zipping across the floor. Who knows, I may even miss the sound of both my children yowling, beginning at 5 pm on the dot, whilst I'm trying desperately to cook dinner . . . there's something to be said for a house full of the sounds of life.

At any rate, this whole idea of how motherhood changes you has had me thinking about the other side of that coin: how have I changed for the better? Honestly, there are a lot of things I've lost that I hope never return again. I've lost the laser-focus I once had on myself--my feelings, my thoughts, my needs, etc. I've lost the ennui inherent in such a self-centered life. I've lost any and all perceived ability to handle life apart from the power of the Holy Spirit. It's amazing how a tiny human being can bring you to your knees before God!

In comparing myself now to who I was before becoming a mom, I feel extremely grateful to have lost these things. In a way, it feels as though the LORD scooped me up close to Him, whispering ever so gently and kindly, "it's time to let these things go." Mind you, I'm certainly not saying that you must become a parent to experience this kind of change! I'm only sharing my experience . . . where once there was immense self-focus and self-reliance, there is now more kindness and humility. Parenthood is simply the vehicle God is using to refine and shape my unruly sinful nature.

So, there you have it--a few rambling thoughts for the day. If you're a new mom or a seasoned mom struggling with the ways in which your life has changed, I hope this post will help encourage you to also look at the amazing ways you've changed for the better. Every day, every week, as you tirelessly care for your family, God is continuing His beautiful, refining work in you!

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time 

we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

~Galatians 6:9

Blessings,

~Mere

Baby Steps

Hello readers! I have found another moment to steal away and blog. I gotta say, with time being at such a high premium these days, it's very difficult to decide how to use the small amount of "me time" I do get. When those moments come, I typically feel so boggled that no one is crying or hungry or in need of a diaper change that my mind goes entirely blank on what to do with myself! It's a strange time in life . . . strange and beautiful.

So, this week marks the first days of being completely on my own with both babies. We have been so surrounded and so loved by our families these past 5 weeks, it makes my eyes fill with tears. To think of all they have done for us simply overwhelms me. I feel so "covered" by their love and support! And now, it's time to jump out of the proverbial nest and begin figuring out life with a 1-year-old and an infant.

Rocking his new swim hat :-)

The LORD has been teaching me a lot lately, speaking into my heart about how I will survive (and thrive!) in this busy season. My type-A, "do everything by myself" and 100+ item to-do lists are all things of the past right now. I am learning to embrace the chaos by embracing the little victories in each day and focusing on the all-consuming, all-important task God has so graciously placed before me: to love and teach and mother these two babies! Babies that I longed for, hoped for, prayed for, and now have the privilege of loving on every day!

Starting to smile! 

I mean, look at these guys! I have the best job in the world :-). But indeed, it is a job . . . which means hard days, tiring nights, highs and lows. It's a job that I love, but it's work. I think a great deal of people still hold on to the false belief that staying home with babies means easy, breezy days of running to the park or lounging around in PJ's, when really, nothing could be farther from the truth!! Do I often wear my yoga pants late into the morning? Yes. Why? Because I don't want the nice outfit I've picked out for the day to be covered in pee, poop, spit up and drool before I've even had the chance to leave the house!

Case in point: just yesterday, while trying to change a diaper, I was simultaneously peed on and projectile spit-up on, all while Isaiah knocked over a lamp on himself and dissolved into a crying fit. Thankfully, he wasn't hurt, and the lamp remained intact :-).

The life of a stay-at-home-mom is characterized, more than anything, by servanthood. In one of my college courses, we threw around the term "servant leader" on a regular basis, but I never really had a strong sense of what that looked like. Now, I most certainly do! Moms, whether working in the home or outside it, are tirelessly serving their children, their spouses, the dogs, cats, etc. etc. etc. :-).

So in this busy season, the word the LORD has given me is simple: perspective. My primary job right now is to mother these children and to take care of my husband and our home. My job right now is not to sip coffee and sit quietly in the morning for hours, reading and writing and thinking deep thoughts (all things that this introvert loves!). There will be plenty of time for that one day, but today is not that day.  By approaching each day with this correct perspective, I'm setting myself up to embrace the ups and downs, highs and lows--instead of fighting against them.

Of course, like all matters of faith, the challenge comes in implementing and living in the truth each and every day--always easier said than done! I know that, more than ever before in my life, I will be clinging to Him in humble reliance. In my own strength, I simply cannot be the wife and mother I desire to be.

So I'll leave you with a verse that is speaking volumes to me lately, one I'm mediating on pretty much hourly :-). I hope it encourages you as much as it has encouraged me!

"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many."

~ Mark 10:45 

Blessings,

~Mere