Deep Thoughts

Hello readers! So I have several posts in the works, but life is getting in the way of me finishing those posts right now. We closed on our new home last week (yay!!) and have been busy moving things little by little, every single day. The "big" moving day is one week away, and we can't wait! I plan on posting more about the house once we're a bit more settled.

So, in lieu of something new, I decided to share something I wrote a few months back. I wrote this in anticipation of starting up a blog again, but never got around to actually sharing it. But since there's no time like the present, I'll go ahead and post it now! Just a little on some of the big lessons God is teaching me right now. Enjoy, and be encouraged today by the truth that God is in control of your future!

It’s a beautiful Fall day here in Sacramento. Per usual, there isn’t a cloud in sight, and the sky is so blue and the sun so bright, you can’t help but feel a warmth in your very core. From my desk, I can sit tall and peek across Folsom Boulevard, where the regal tombstones of East Lawn Memorial Park are truly gleaming in the sun today.

As odd and morose as it may sound, I actually enjoy living directly across from a cemetery. The brightly-colored green and red neon sign that comes alive at night acts as a reminder that I’m alive. Sooner or later, we’re all headed over to the other side of Folsom Boulevard, so I best capitalize on each moment I’ve been given in the present.

Yet, notwithstanding the beauty of my surroundings and the daily reminder of life’s fragility, I find myself battling a certain sadness some days. I always dreamed of the day I would become a mother, and welcoming baby Isaiah last May was truly a dream come true . . . I just never imagined that I’d be 2,500 miles away from my family and friends when it finally did happen. And I also never imagined just how much I would feel the need for the support of friends and family! Motherhood is no joke.

The reality of my circumstances right now has become a big issue between God and me as of late. I’ve found myself going round after round with Him late into the night and early in the morning, wrestling with why He would allow such a blessing to occur only after my husband and I moved so very far away from everything and everyone we knew. It seems crazy! Wrong, unnatural even—children should grow up near family, and how can I possibly learn how to stand on my own as a mother without any help from my own mother??

For the past four months, I’ve been fighting this reality—fighting against being alone and far away and “locked up” to faith. I’ve been doing everything in my power to try and carve out some life here, putting myself out there in an attempt to cultivate real, meaningful relationships . . . but at every turn, I find myself wanting. The dove leaves and returns with nary a twig in its mouth.  Yet again, this seems unnatural and confusing . . . and yet again, I am reminded that nothing is by chance or haphazard with our Lord. He does not forget us or turn away for a time. He does everything on purpose, and with our very best in mind—even when we don’t understand!

So at the urging of my mom, an incredibly spiritual, genuine, and amazing woman of faith, I am turning the focus of my attention away from striving to create a bubble of comfort here in Sacramento. Instead, I’m turning my attention to Him. To the One who sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24). For some time now, I believe God has been trying to teach me that all I need is Him. Christ alone. I very much desire to learn this lesson—I want more of Him in my life, and I want to know Him in a new and deeper way, to be able to say that He is enough.

I’m certain the journey won’t be easy, nor predictable—but I have no doubt that it will be thrilling. I’ve always said that in this life, I desire His “Plan A” for my life, and nothing short of it . . . I have a lot of valleys to walk through and mountains to climb to get there, but I know He’s with me every step of the way!

“’Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

I will be found by you,’ declares the LORD.”

Blessings,

~Mere